i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
