So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
