I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
