I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
