we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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