Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
