I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
