dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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