The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
