K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
