I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
