Your mouth is God's brothel.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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