Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
PANTIES FOUND
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
