i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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