White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
