You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
