What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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