there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
