i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
