I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
