my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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