dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
