Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
