I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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