So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
