so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
