you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
