before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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