i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
