Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
