I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
