I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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