I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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