Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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