all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
