I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
