You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
