i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
