I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
