mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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