Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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