so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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