btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
