On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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