Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
