I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
