In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
