That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
