And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
