So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
